


Snowball Fight! (Modern Winter AU Oneshot)

by OrigamiArtist



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Dave | Technoblade and Wilbur Soot and TommyInnit are Siblings, Hot Chocolate, Insane Wilbur Soot, LARPing, Light Angst, No Incest, No Romance, No Sex, No Slash, No Smut, Parent Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Snowball Fight, Winter, Winter Wonderland, all those are disgusting, dadboyhalo, non minecraft au??
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-05
Updated: 2020-12-05
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:47:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,026
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27898546
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OrigamiArtist/pseuds/OrigamiArtist
Summary: Edited by pallettownnIt snowed last night! Wilbur challenges Tommy and Tubbo to a snowball fight against him, Philza, and Technoblade. Wilbur is taking the roleplay aspect a little too seriously, though.
Relationships: Clay | Dream & Darryl Noveschosch, Clay | Dream & Darryl Noveschosch & Sapnap, Clay | Dream & Dave | Technoblade, Clay | Dream & Dave | Technoblade & GeorgeNotFound, Clay | Dream & Dave | Technoblade & Toby Smith | Tubbo & Wilbur Soot & TommyInnit & Phil Watson, Clay | Dream & Dave | Technoblade & Wilbur Soot, Clay | Dream & GeorgeNotFound & Darryl Noveschosch & Sapnap, Clay | Dream & GeorgeNotFound & Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF), Clay | Dream & GeorgeNotFound & Wilbur Soot, Clay | Dream & GeorgeNotFound (Video Blogging RPF), Clay | Dream & Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Clay | Dream & Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF), Clay | Dream & Toby Smith | Tubbo, Clay | Dream & TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Clay | Dream & Wilbur Soot, Darryl Noveschosch & Toby Smith | Tubbo, Darryl Noveschosch & TommyInnit, Dave | Technoblade & Ranboo, Dave | Technoblade & Toby Smith | Tubbo & Wilbur Soot & TommyInnit, Dave | Technoblade & TommyInnit, Dave | Technoblade & TommyInnit & Wilbur Soot & Phil Watson, Dave | Technoblade & Wilbur Soot, Dave | Technoblade & Wilbur Soot & TommyInnit & Phil Watson, GeorgeNotFound & Toby Smith | Tubbo, GeorgeNotFound & Wilbur Soot, Ranboo & Toby Smith | Tubbo, Ranboo & TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Ranboo & Wilbur Soot, Sapnap & Toby Smith | Tubbo, Sapnap & Wilbur Soot, Toby Smith | Tubbo & Phil Watson, Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit, Toby Smith | Tubbo & Wilbur Soot, TommyInnit & Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Wilbur Soot & Phil Watson, Wilbur Soot & TommyInnit, Zak Ahmed & Darryl Noveschosch
Comments: 18
Kudos: 267





	Snowball Fight! (Modern Winter AU Oneshot)

**Author's Note:**

> Just a little oneshot. I'm still working on Babysitter AU! I'm just getting excited for Christmas so I wanted to write something wintery while I cry because I hardly get any snow where I live. I got a little carried away at the end lol. I hope to write more of these. Enjoy!

“Tommy! Look outside!” 

Tommy rubbed his eyes and threw the blanket from over his head and (unintentionally) onto the floor. He regretted it immediately, as a blast of cold air hit his body and he started immediately shivering. Fuck winter, he thought, grabbing a crumpled red jacket that was discarded onto his mattress last night and quickly threw it on. He looked down from the top bunk to see Tubbo, still in his green flannel pajamas, leaning over the desk to look out the window. Following his gaze, Tommy saw the open curtains which revealed a big white expanse of snow covering the front yard. Tommy’s eyes widened in surprise.

“It’s snowing!” Tubbo exclaimed, gesturing to the window, because Tommy clearly didn’t have eyes. “We have to go outside and play in it!”

“I’m a big man, Tubbo,” Tommy huffed, “Big men don’t play in the snow,”

“Aw come on!” Tubbo whined, frowning at him, “That’s such bullshit!”

“I am what I am,” Tommy said, crossing his arms, “What I am is big.”

“You’re also a loser!” Wilbur called from the doorway. He was decked out in full winter gear with a knitted leather coat, red scarf, matching beanie, and black gloves,boots, and snowpants. “You couldn’t beat me in a snowball fight if you tried!”

“I so could!” Tommy cried, outraged.

“Not this time,” Wilbur cackled, an insane fire in his eyes, “I have reinforcements! I have Technoblade to help me. Philza as well!” He slammed his hand on the door, “You don’t stand a chance, Tommy! NOT A CHANCE!!! Get dressed and get ready to LOSE, small child!” Wilbur ran off, laughing the whole way. Tubbo stared in shock while Tommy looked mildly scared.

“So…” Tubbo began, tapping his fingers absentmindedly on the windowsill, “Do you wanna make hot chocolate?”

“Yeah…” Tommy hugged his chest for a moment before furrowing his brow, “When we celebrate our victory!” He yelled, jumping off the top bunk and landing feet-first on the soft red rug below. “Get dressed Tubbo, we’re going to beat up Wilbur!”

“Yay!!” Tubbo cheered, throwing his hands in the air. Tommy wouldn’t let Wilbur insult him. Also, maybe a part of him wanted to play outside as well.

\- - -

Tommy’s black boots crunched in the snow. He finished wrapping his red scarf around his neck. He had a white winter coat with red sleeves (It’s on brand) with white snow pants and a red hat. Tubbo had all green everything, except his bee hat.

Wilbur was hastily making a snow fort while Philza watched from a distance. Philza was sporting all green as well, with hints of black in his coat and black pants. Wilbur’s fort was impressive. He had a big front wall with small holes in it for peeking. There were higher parts of the wall which could hide someone standing. Tommy stiffened, seeing the fortress. Further examination revealed Technoblade behind the wall, making snowballs. He had a large amount as well. Tommy could see multiple piles and there were more being made.

“Fuck,” Tommy muttered, seeing his breathe due to the cold. He turned to Tubbo, “We have to start building a wall, quick. You do the snowballs,” Tubbo nodded and began to mold the snow under him into various snowballs. They weren't as round as Techno’s, but they would do. Tommy began sculpting the wall, trying to mimic what Wilbur did. After a while, Philza walked over.

“How goes it, Tommy?” He asked. Tommy glared at him.

“You betrayed me, Philza Minecraft,” He spat, turning back to the snow fort. Philza suppressed a laugh. 

“How did I betray you, Tommy?” He asked. 

“You joined Wilbur.”

“He asked first.”

“It’s the principle.”

Tommy smacked his gloved hand on the floor, packing some snow in place, “Wilbur will lose. We are bigger and better! His fort is shit. Oh, I’m Wilbur! I have so many good snow tactics! I am so much better than TommyInnit! Oh what a child! I will call him a child because that is funny,” He shaped the wall more and Tubbo dumped an armful of snowballs behind the wall. Tommy frowned. It dwarfed the size of Techno’s pile. 

“Well, your wall is a bit low on this side,” Phil gestured to the left of the fort where the wall drooped a little. Tommy stuck out his tongue at Phil, but soon, he began to make the wall higher. 

“Phil!” Wilbur called from the other side of the yard, “Stop talking to the enemy and get over here!” He pulled out a stick from behind the fort with a blanket attached to it and stuck it in the snow. “We have a flag! For L’Manburr!” he screamed, then continued to shape the walls of his snow fort, reinforcing them. Philza laughed and walked over.

“Oh!” Tubbo exclaimed, “L’Manburr! Get it? Because it’s cold!”

“Yes, Tubbo,” Tommy grumbled. Wilbur was so dramatic. He continued sculpting the fort, but his speed was nothing compared to Wilbur’s. Every so often, Tommy would glance at Wilbur’s fort and Techno’s pile of snowballs and turn back to his and Tubbo’s and feel discouraged. He may be a big man and better than Wilbur in any way, but so far, Wilbur had the upper hand.

Hearing a crunch on the snow, Tommy looked up to see a tall man walking on the sidewalk. He had half black and half white hair. His coat was also half black and white, and the rest of his outfit alternated between those colors. The only exception being his hat, which was yellow. 

“Ranboo!” Tubbo exclaimed happily. 

“Hi Tubbo,” Ranboo waved. He stopped and looked out over to where Wilbur had his extreme snow fort. Wilbur was still aggressively working, this time his fort now had more high walls and windows. Philza waved at Ranboo, who waved back. “Wh-what’s going on?”

“We’re having a war, Ranboo,” Tommy stated.

“Oh,” Ranboo replied, his eyes still on the over-the-top fort made by Willbur.

“Do you want to join us?” Tubbo asked, “We will get destroyed.”

“No we won't!” Tommy protested, “Ranboo, come join us on the right side of history.”

“History,” Ranboo repeated, “Okay.” He walked over to the fort and began to help Tommy reinforce the walls.

“Numbers won’t help you, Tommy!” Wilbur called from across the yard, Phil gestured with his arms for him to calm down, “NOTHING WILL HELP YOU!!”

“He seems passionate about this,” Ranboo remarked. Tommy scoffed.

“He’s probably written a twenty page backstory for his character,” Tommy said, rubbing his hands together. They were starting to get cold through the gloves from non-stop touching snow.

“What’s our snow place called, Tommy?” Tubbo asked from his pile of snowballs, which was now an impressive size. 

“Why do we need to name it?” Tommy asked grumpily.

“Wilbur needs a foil for his story,” Ranboo joked.

“Fine,” Tommy grunted, “We will be Snow...land,” he said after a moment. Tubbo and Ranboo were quiet. “What?” he demanded.

“That’s a shit name,” Tubbo said.

“NO!” Tommy yelled, crunching snow in his fist, “IT’S A GOOD NAME! NAMING IT IS DUMB ANYWAY!!” 

“It is a bad name,” Ranboo inputted. 

“NO ONE ASKED YOU, RANBOO, WITH YOUR STUPID HALF FACE,” Tommy spat.

“Okay then,” Ranboo went back to enforcing the snow wall.

“You all are shit,” Tommy whined.

“Snow Land is a fine name, Tommy,” Tubbo sighed, defeated. He began rolling the snowballs again. Tommy nodded. Of course it was. They’re stupid. 

After a bit longer of fortifying the walls, the snow fort of Snow Land was well protected . It had thick walls with little holes for peeking. They were tall enough for cover with the boys crouching down on their knees, but short enough to where they could reach up and throw a snowball without standing. It wasn’t as impressive as Wilbur’s, but it would do. Ranboo and Tommy joined Tubbo in making snowballs. Tubbo had already made a plentiful pile. Tommy started to feel better about their chances.

This moment of peace did not last long, however. While Ranboo was making a snowball, he narrowly avoided getting nailed in the face with one. Wilbur whooped and cheered from the other side of the yard.

“THE WAR HAS BEGUN TOMMY!” He shouted, tossing another snowball in the direction of the Snow Land fort. Philza and Techno each had a snowball in their hands and smiled at each other, appreciating Wilbur’s enthusiasm at war reenactments. 

Tommy screamed as one hit near where he was, “TAKE COVER!!” He, Tubbo, and Ranboo dived behind the fort, scooping as many snowballs as they could in their arms. Tommy flinched as he felt multiple snowballs hit the fort at once. Wilbur’s laughter echoed in his ears.

“Wilbur is insane,” Tommy shuddered. Ranboo looked slightly frightened while Tubbo was quietly tossing a snowball from his left hand to his right. 

“We just fight back now then…” Ranboo concluded. He grabbed a snowball and chucked it toward Wilbur’s fort. It exploded on the side, sending chunks of snow flying in multiple directions. One of these directions happened to hit Philza in the eye.

“Ah!” He exclaimed in surprise. Techno whipped his head around to face Philza and cupped the older man’s face in his hands.

“PHILZA!” He yelped, “ARE YOU OKAY???” He asked, worried out of his mind. Phil chuckled at his ‘son’s’ over dramatic protectiveness. 

“Yeah Techno, I’m fine,” Phil replied, taking Techno’s hands and lowering them from his face. Wilbur gasped in surprise.

“OH NO,” he cried, holding his face in his hands,”NOW PHIL HAS BEEN BLINDED IN ONE EYE BY STRAY SHARDS OF METAL!”

“Uh, what,” Ranboo stuttered as Phil and Techno exchanged a glance. Tommy looked to Tubbo, who shrugged. What the fuck was Wilbur on about?

“Uh…” Phil covered his eye with his gloved hand and fake gasped, “Oh no,” He said in his normal voice, “My eye…?”

“OH NO PHIL!” Techno grabbed Philza again and hugged him. Phil chuckled awkwardly.

“DON’T WORRY PHILZA I HAVE AN EYEPATCH!” Wilbur shoved Techno out of the way to put the eyepatch on Philza. Phil blinked.

“WHY DO YOU HAVE AN EYEPATCH?” Phil stammered.

“FOR WAR INJURIES!” Wilbur exclaimed.

Tommy wanted to scream. Of course this was all a big dramatic role play for Wilbur. Oh, how Tommy wished Phil had never bought Disney+ and let Wilbur watch Hamilton. Now he wanted to be like Burr and shit. Tommy grabbed another snowball.

“Quick, while they’re distracted,” Tommy whispered to his team as he launched the snowball in Wilbur’s direction. Wilbur screamed and ducked, the snowball flying over his head.

“VIVA LA REVOLUTION!” Tubbo screamed as he threw multiple snowballs in the direction of the L’Manburr fort. A few of them hit the fort, causing Techno and Phil to duck, but most of them fell short of the wall by a few feet.  
“I don’t know if I want to be here for Wilbur’s LARPing session,” Ranboo admitted, clutching his snowball.

“Keep it together, big man,” Tommy reassured him, putting one gloved hand on his shoulder, “We can still win even if he’s full role play mode.”

“Why is it so important we win, anyway?” Ranboo asked. Tommy glared in Wilbur’s direction, who was frantically shoving snowballs into Technoblade’s hands.

“Because I’m not a child,” Tommy said with determination. Ranboo looked up at him, his eyes shining.

“But you are,” Ranboo said, after a dramatic moment. Tommy let out a cry of indignation.

“SHUT UP, RANBOOB!” Tommy began, shaking his fist at the older man, “I AM A VERY BIG MAN! LARGE AND SHIT! I EAT HALF ENDERMAN HALF WHATEVER THE FUCK ELSE YOU ARE FOR BREAKFAST! DON’T GO BEING A DICKHEAD NOW!”

“LOOK OUT!” Tubbo exclaimed. Tommy stopped his tantrum to look over at the fort. Techno was hurling snowballs in their direction. The snowballs seemed to be coming in at extreme speeds. Tommy screeched and ducked, hearing the snowballs whizz past his head.

“There’s no way we can win against Techno!” Tubbo cried, holding his hands over his head, “We need more help!”

“WHERE ARE WE GOING TO GET MORE HELP?” Tommy exclaimed.

“HAHAHAHA!” Wilbur laughed from the other side of the yard, “YES! TOMMY YOU’RE FINISHED! I HAVE THE BLADE!”

“Ye,” Techno replied, getting ready to launch another assault.

“Not if I help,”

Wilbur stopped his maniacal cackling and looked behind him, Techno looking as well. He couldn’t see much, however, as the stranger behind him thrust a snowball into his face. Wilbur screamed as snow fell off Techno’s face and onto his chest.

“My nose is cold now,” Techno frowned. Phil patted him on the shoulder.

“Sorry,” the stranger replied. He had on a lime winter’s coat with dark green pants. His face was covered by a white smiley mask, and he had black fingerless gloves.

“Dream!” Tubbo exclaimed, thrusting his hands in the air in celebration, “He’s on our side!”

“Are you sure about that, Tubbo?” Tommy turned just in time to see Sapnap shove a snowball down Tubbo’s back. The cold snow hitting his bare back caused Tubbo to scream. Tommy threw a snowball at Sapnap, which he dodged easily. Fuck.

Dream laughed from where he stood at the L’Manburr base. Wilbur stood over Technoblade, holding his friend’s arm.

“Technoblade…” Wilbur choked out, “He was taken by a rogue soldier…” 

“I’m dead now?” Techno seemed confused.

“I’ll avenge you my son,” Philza chuckled.

“He is gone!” Wilbur yelled, “But we will win! For Technoblade!”

“Does this mean I don’t get to play anymore?” Techno asked. Phil put a hand on his shoulder.

“Let Wilbur have this,” Phil consoled him, “I’ll add extra marshmallows to your hot chocolate.”

“That works for me,” Techno shrugged, “I’ll go shovel the driveway,”

“My favorite son,” Phil smiled, as Techno walked over to the garage to get the snow shovel. 

“Dream!” Wilbur turned to the green man, “Are you on my side or Tommy’s side?”

“I’m on nobody’s side,” Dream confirmed.

“A third party,” Wilbur nodded, “I like it. Well, you have to make your own fort then,”

“I don’t need a fort,” Dream rebutted, “me and Sapnap aren’t staying.”

“Aw!” Sapnap frowned, taking one of Tubbo’s snowballs, “We’re not?”

“You want to?” Dream laughed, stepping outside of Wilbur’s fort and walking toward Tommy’s fort.

“Yes,” Sapnap replied, giving Dream a pleading look. Dream chuckled and patted Sapnap’s cheek.  
“Okay, fine,” Dream relented, “But give me your mittens. My fingers are gonna get frostbite,”

“Yay!” Sapnap cheered. He stepped over the snow wall and went with Dream over by the porch steps. There, they two began rolling snowballs.

“A minor setback, Phil,” Wilbur grabbed Philza’s shoulder, getting the man’s attention, “We just have two teams to beat. We must avenge Techno!”

“Techno…” Phil looked over at the driveway where Techno had begun shovelling. Techno waved (“Hullo!”) and continued shovelling, exposing the black asphalt beneath the layers of frost. “Why did you leave me?”

Meanwhile, Tommy was scrambling in the Snow Land base, grabbing as many snowballs as he could fit into his gloved hands. Tubbo looked on determinedly, while Ranboo looked like he wished he’d stayed home that day.

“Here’s the plan, boys,” Tommy addressed his two teammates, “I’ll be throwing snowballs at Wilbur, Ranboo, you throw them at Dream and Sapnap, and Tubbo, you need to go get us reinforcements.”

“Reinforcements?” Tubbo echoed, “Why do we need reinforcements?”

“Because there’s no way we can beat Dream without more help!” Tommy insisted, shoving a few snowballs into Ranboo’s arms. Ranboo let out a huff in surprise as he tried to balance the bundle without dropping any.

“Wait,” Ranboo spoke up, “We already outnumber them.”

“In numbers, yes,” Tommy agreed, “In skill, no fucking way. I mean, I could probably take them, but with you two, I’m not sure,” Ranboo frowned. “Anyway,” Tommy continued, “We need more help!”

Tubbo yelped as snowballs started raining down toward them and hitting their wall. Tommy screamed and Ranboo fired a snowball in the direction of Dream and Sapnap. Dream dodged it and quickly fashioned another snowball with his hands (now covered by Sapnap’s mittens, which had panda faces on them and looked like something you would buy a nine year old girl from Justice). 

“Run Tubbo!” Tommy demanded.

“Who do I even go get?” Tubbo asked, panicking.

“I don’t know just find someone-” Tommy shrieked as another snowball hit near his arm. “Hurry, Tubbo, hurry!”

Tubbo screamed and quickly rose. He raced away from the front yard. Snowballs flew toward him, narrowly missing his feet. Unfortunately for Tubbo, one fired by Philza hit his leg, causing him to fall face first onto the ground.

“Oh my goodness,” Phil covered his mouth, “Sorry Tubbo!”

“Don’t say sorry to the enemy, Phil,” Wilbur insisted. He pointed over to where Tubbo lay, struggling to get up, his face covered in powdered snow. “Now Tubbo has lost a leg! We are at an advantage!”

“What!?” Tubbo exclaimed, falling back down.

“You lost use of your leg, Tubbo,” Ranboo clarified. Tubbo groaned, muffled by the snow, but still loud enough to be heard.

“RIP Tubbo,” Sapnap giggled. Dream looked over to Tubbo, concern on his few shown facial features..

“Are you okay, Tubbo?” He called. Tubbo gave a thumbs up, and struggled to his feet.

“AH AH AH,” Wilbur wagged his finger at Tubbo, “Don’t use that leg, Tubbo. It’s been amputated in medical surgery to try to save your life from that airstrike.” 

Tubbo lifted up his one leg and began to hop quickly away, off to get his reinforcements.

“This is so fucking stupid,” Tommy facepalmed, then turned to throw a snowball at Wilbur. Wilbur dodged it and threw a few more back at Tommy. Snowballs flew in multiple directions from multiple places by multiple people. Tommy grew to develop a strategy where he grabbed two snowballs and fired them at once. It made throwing more efficient. 

This strategy, however efficient it seemed, was not enough to hit Wilbur, Dream, Sapnap, or Philza. The three opposing teams seemed to be targeting a specific team each. Dream and Sapnap were mostly focused on Wilbur’s team, L’Manburr, like Tommy and Ranboo were. However, L’Manburr seemed focused on them. Ranboo launched another snowball, which landed square right into Philza’s chest. Wilbur screamed as the ball of snow exploded, sending little bits of snow flying in his direction. Wilbur covered his face with his arm, which in turn only got sprinkled with bits of snow. 

“PHIL IS DEAD!” Wilbur cried, falling to his knees and grabbing the hem of Phil’s green coat. Phill brushed the snow off of his chest as Techno ran up to him. Everyone stopped their assaults to watch Wilbur play out Phil’s dramatic death scene.

“PHIL-” he stopped when he saw Philza standing, completely fine, “Oh I thought you were in danger.”

“You don’t have to come rescue me if you think I’m in danger,” Phil replied, patting the sobbing Wilbur on the head, “I’m not a Disney princess.”

“The Disney princesses are actually very independent and don’t need no man,” Techno swiftly corrected, “But I want you to be safe.”

“I’m independent too!” Phil insisted, laughing, “I can hold my own!”

“No you can’t!” Wilbur wailed, still clutching onto Phil, “You died in battle heroically!” Wilbur composed himself and rose. Oh my fucking god, Tommy thought.

“A brave soldier, Philza Minecraft was shot fatally in the chest by opposing Snow Land soldier, Ranboo,” Wilbur began. Ranboo looked uncomfortable, “Commander Wilbur Soot almost getting wounded in the debris, now gets by with minor injuries, laying to rest his poor fallen soldier.” He holds his hand to his ear, “What’s this? Techno’s ghost has come to escort him to the afterlife. A fabled place where they shovel driveways and make hot chocolate for all eternity.” he sniffed, and wiped a tear from his eye, “Now Commander Soot must finish this war alone. Will he be able to single handedly defeat Snow Land and Dream? No one knows.”

“I’m so fucking done with Wilbur,” Tommy rubbed his temples, trying to combat the headache that he felt coming on. Ranboo shifted his position to throw another snowball. Wilbur ducked.

“There is only one way to find out!” He threw an assault of snowballs at Ranboo. Ranboo yelped and ducked behind the wall. Dream yelled out “Finally!” and Tommy felt more snowballs hit the Snow Land fortress.

“This is a little deep,” Ranboo looked at his hands, “I just killed a man.”

“No you didn’t!” Tommy whined, grabbing a snowball, “Wilbur’s just all dramatic and shit, come one we have to fight back! Oh, where is Tubbo?”

“Tommy!”

Tommy turned to see Tubbo hopping in (One leg rule), avoiding the snowballs hitting him. The man he dragged with him looked confused, and Tommy groaned audibly at the sight of him.

“You brought fucking Badboyhalo?” Tommy complained.

“Hey!” Bad protested, kneeling down with the others in the snow, “And language!”

“He was the only one outside, Tommy, it’s cold!” Tubbo justified, rubbing his overworked leg, “He asked me why I was hopping on one leg.”

“You used one leg the whole time?” Ranboo asked, “Once you were out of sight why didn’t you just run?”

Tubbo didn’t respond.

“What is going on?” Bad demanded, “I was on my way to Skeppy’s house…”

“Why?” Tubbo questioned.

“To hang out?” Bad answered with a ‘duh’ expression, “We're gonna make muffins! Snow muffins! Now I'm here with YOU muffins!” he gestured to the three kids in front of him.

“Well,” Tommy began, “if you help us win you and Skeppy can go make your muffins… disgusting,” he shook his head.

“What’s disgusting about muffins?” Bad asked, hurt.

“Whatever,” Tommy shook it off, “Are you going to help us or not?”

“I don’t know if I want to,” Bad crossed his arms, which were kept warm in a fluffy black coat, and stuck out his tongue at Tommy.

Tommy glared, “If you don’t I will swear at you.” Bad opened his eyes in shock, but then huffed and crossed his arms again.

“FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK,” Tommy repeated. Bad screamed and covered his ears.

“LANGUAGE!!!”

“FUCK, JOIN OUR WAR, FUCK FUCK,” Tommy continued. Bad yelled and pushed Tommy into the snow.

“FINE FINE JUST STOP SWEARING!” Bad crumbled under the pressure. Tubbo was smirking and Ranboo looked stunned. “Holy muffin…” Ranboo muttered.

Bad grabbed a snowball and peered over the wall where Wilbur and Dream were engaged in their own little crossfire. His eyes caught sight of Sapnap. “Sapnaps here?”

“Yes, aww fuck you got snow on me!” Tommy complained. Tubbo brushed the snow out of Tommy’s hair. Tubbo was a good friend.

“Language,” Bad corrected, “But I can work with this.” Bad threw the snowball he had over toward Dream and Sapnap, gaining their attention. Sapnap’s face paled when he saw Bad.

“Bad?” Sapnap croaked out.

“Sapnap!” Bad called, “Hi!”

“What are you doing here?” Sapnap questioned. Dream mouthed a silent, oh come on.

“I’m being held up by these muffins,” Bad gestured to the ground. Tommy poked his head up and began to watch the exchange. Wilbur looked on with interest.

“Yeah…?” Sapnap asked nervously, glancing at Dream.

“Yes,” Bad said, playing with another snowball, “You’re not going to throw a snowball at me right?”

“But… that’s the point of the game…” Sapnap trailed off. Dream glared at Bad. Bad smirked.

“If you throw any more snowballs at my team, you’re grounded,” Bad declared, giggling.

“Bad!” Dream stomped his foot, “Are you kidding me?” 

“Come here Sapnap!” Bad called, “Come join our side! I’ll buy you Chick-Fil-A later~”

“Sapnap,” Dream took his friend by the shoulders, forcing him to look into his eyes. Well, what would be his eyes if he didn’t have the mask. “I will buy you Chick-Fil-A for the next three days if you don’t listen to Bad.”

“Wow,” Bad gaped in shock, “That is a lot of Chick-Fil-A to eat,” Bad feigned a gasp, “Oh wait! You can’t eat all that Chick-Fil-A if you’re grounded!”

“Don’t listen to him Sapnap,” Dream shook Sapnap, driving his friend’s attention from Bad back to him, “He can’t ground you, you live in your own house! He’s not even your dad!”

“I’ll get you extra Chick-Fil-A sauce~” Bad sang.

Sapnap ran over to Snow Land. Dream let out an angry cry of rage. Bad cheered and pulled Sapnap close to him to give him a hug. 

“I’m sorry Dream!” Sapnap called to where his friend stood, abandoned by the porch steps, “You forgot the Chick-Fil-A sauce last time!”

Wilbur cleared his throat, presumably to get another monologue, but Tommy didn’t listen. He slapped Tubbo on the back.

“Good job Big T,” Tommy complimented, “Good reinforcements.”

“Really?” Tubbo turned to Tommy, his eyes shining. Tommy never complimented him!

“Yeah....” Tommy was uncomfortable now, “I mean it was all thanks to my amazing plan you got them anyway but yeah. ANYWAY!” He shoved snowballs in everyone’s hands, “Get firing now!”

The next fifteen minutes was an all out bloodbath. Snowbath is more like it. Snowballs were shot in multiple directions, mostly coming from Snow Land. Sapnap and Bad were focused on Dream while Tommy, Tubbo, and Ranboo fired at Wilbur. It was a miracle they lasted that long without Dream or Wilbur falling to their demise. Until Tommy miraculously threw a snowball off course, which landed on Dream’s arm.

“Dream has lost his arm in battle!” Wilbur exclaimed, which caused everyone to cease fire.

“Oh come on this is my good throwing arm!” Dream brushed the snow off his coat sleeve, “Can we pretend it was my other arm instead?”

“Rules are rules, Dream,” Tubbo glared. The audacity of him to complain about his arm when Tubbo had only one leg.

“Ugh!” Dream put his affected arm behind his back and the fight continued. But now, his assaults were weaker and slower. Tommy aimed one snowball at Dream’s mask and threw it. It hit the green man square in the face. The yard grew silent. Tommy stared in shock at what he just did. He then let out a cheer.

“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH BITCH!” Tommy exclaimed. (“Language!”) Dream wiped his face with his hands while Tubbo whooped and Ranboo let out a small “yayyy”. Wilbur put his hand on his forehead dramatically.

“DREAM HAS FALLEN!” He cried out, “Now Commander Wilbur Soot is 100% without a doubt alone in his war on Snow Land. The odds look slim.”

“Whatever,” Dream spat, clearly frustrated at being ‘dead’, “I would have won if Sapnap wasn’t a pushover.” 

“Hey!” Bad protested, “Don’t call Sapnap mean names!”

“Thank you, Dad,” Sapnap smiled. Bad pat him on the head. Dream growled.

“Hey Dream!” Philza called from the driveway. He and Techno had just finished shovelling it. Now, the driveway was a dark black in contrast to the white snow, “Want to stay for hot chocolate and warm up?”

“Thank you Philza,” Dream glared at Sapnap, “I think we- I mean I will,” Dream walked over to Snow Land and threw Sapnap’s mittens at his head. They fell to the ground with a thud. “I don’t need these mittens of betrayal. I HOPE THE CHICK-FIL-A SAUCE WAS WORTH IT!!” he stormed off into the house with Techno and Phil following him. 

“Come inside when you’re done!” Phil called to them all, “I’ll make plenty of hot chocolate!” He then walked inside and shut the front door.

Sapnap frowned as he picked up his discarded mittens. He sniffed as he put them back on. Bad rubbed his back in effort to console him. Tommy groaned. He didn’t know how much more roleplay he could take. 

“It’s the final stand…” Wilbur monologued from the other side of the yard, “My soldiers have fallen, and you have taken over Dream’s kingdom. You outnumber me…” Wilbur stepped outside of his fort. “What choice do I have?” Wilbur touched the walls of the fort in sorrow. “Me and my brother built these walls. Now he’s dead. And for what? To beat a child? Tsk.”

Snow Land looked on at Wilbur, who began laughing. He laughed and laughed and laughed. “It’s all worth it isn’t it, Wilbur?” He clutched his side, “To see your men slaughtered in front of you to merely say you beat them? What a joke! How selfish! They’re dead because of you and now you’re the only one left! THE ONLY ONE!” He screamed. He whipped his head to face Ranboo.

“You,” he said, rage filling his voice. Ranboo shifted uncomfortably, “You killed Philza, my most trusted soldier. I want to kill you so bad. To see the life drain from your eyes would be the most satisfying thing in the world,” He turned his attention back to the fort, “But would it?” he questioned, “It won’t bring him back. It won't bring any of them back…” He kicked the wall in, letting out a scream of rage. Bad and Sapnap exchanged a glance. Ranboo looked like he wanted to go home.

“WHAT’S THE POINT?” He wailed, “THERE IS NO POINT ANYMORE! NO HONOR!” He turned to Snow Land and spread his arms, “NO ONE DESERVED TO RULE L’MANBURR NOT EVEN ME! KILL ME!” He demanded. Tommy felt Tubbo stiffen next to him.

“KILL ME!” Wilbur demanded once more, “KILL ME RIGHT NOW! KILL ME AND LIVE WITH THE MEMORY! TELL THE STARS YOU’VE WON! THAT’S WHAT YOU WANT ISN’T IT? ISN'T IT?” Wilbur screamed, throwing his arms down for emphasis. Tommy clutched a snowball in his fist and felt it crumble. He didn’t know if he wanted to play this game anymore.

“I know this is what you want, Tommy,” Wilbur continued, his voice softer now, “To beat me. So do it. Win! Prove you’re a big man! Prove it by killing me!” Tommy hesitated, grabbing another snowball, “Do it, Tommy,” Wilbur insisted. Nothing. “FOR FUCK’S SAKE TOMMY PUT ME OUT OF MY MISERY-!”

A snowball hit Wilbur in the chest. Tommy looked up, shocked. He didn’t throw that. Bad and Sapnap looked just as shocked. He then turned to his right to see Ranboo staring at Tubbo in surprise while Tubbo stood, holding the position from firing a snowball. Wilbur smiled peacefully.

“Thank you Tubbo, I love you...Tommy. I’m sorry,” Wilbur choked out as he collapsed into the snow. There was a silence that followed. Tubbo burst into tears. Ranboo cautiously patted Tubbo on the back while Bad, Sapnap, and Tommy stared at Wilbur’s crumpled form in shock.

“Who wants hot chocolate- holy fuck…” Phil stared at the scene before him of son on the ground, son and guests with looks of terror on their faces and crying child. He sighed and walked over to Wilbur and kicked him lightly. Wilbur sat up swiftly, snow falling off of him.

“Hi Phil,” Wilbur smiled.

“You went too far this time, Wil,” Philza said. Wilbur turned to see Snow Land, still in a state of shock, with Tubbo sobbing.

“Oh no,” Wilbur stood up, “I got carried away! I’m sorry Tubbo!” He ran over to where Ranboo held Tubbo and took the crying child in his arms. Wilbur noticed Ranboo flinched when he got close. “Did I traumatize the children, Philza?”

“Yes…” Phil replied.

“I...I killed you,” Tubbo choked out, Wilbur shushed him.

“Shhh shhh it was a game, Tubbo,” Wilbur consoled him, “I’m okay! See? Smiling Wilbur! Isn’t he so great at acting?’

Tommy let out a strangled laugh, “THAT WAS FUCKED!”

“L-language…” Bad was still shaken, but not enough to where he couldn’t correct Tommy on his pottymouth. 

“Come have some hot chocolate, everyone!” Phil tried to remedy everyone’s distress, “I promise no more roleplay, right Wilbur?”

“R-right,” Wilbur looked actually guilty. Everyone followed Philza to the front door. Before he could walk in, Tommy noticed a bright blue figure running down the sidewalk. 

“Skeppy!” Bad exclaimed with delight. He raced over to meet the blue coat wearing man and gave him a big embrace.

“Bad!” Skeppy pushed him off, “You were supposed to be at my house ages ago! Where have you been!?”

“Uhh,” Bad glanced at the carnage of the yard and at Tubbo, who had stopped crying, but his face was red from the cold and tears combined, “Long story… hot chocolate at Philza’s?”

“What about the muffins?” Skeppy asked.

“Please, Skeppy I need a break,” Bad sighed, defeated and exhausted. Skeppy noticed this and decided to relent. Everyone was soon in the house, curled up by the fire in blankets with warm hot chocolate mugs in their hands.

“Dream you were right,” Sapnap snuggled next to dream in a blanket, “We should have left,”

“That’s what you get for betraying me for Tommy,” Dream huffed.

“I didn’t betray you for Tommy!” Sapnap cried, “It was for Bad! And Chick-Fil-A sauce!”

Dream humphed and turned away, but after a moment, he threw his arm around  
Sapnap. “Okay okay... Chick-Fil-A sauce is pretty good…” he admitted. Sapnap let out a little cheer and sipped from his mug. 

“No more roleplay,” Phil reprimanded Wilbur sternly. “Especially when I’m not around to supervise.”

“Yes, Philza,” Wilbur looked down into his mug, ashamed. 

“Now, say sorry to Ranboo,” Philza gestured to the man who was looking at Wilbur with a little bit of fear. “He has trauma now.”

“I’m sorry for giving you trauma, Ranboo,” Wilbur frowned, “You know I was just too into it, right? I would never actually kill you ever!”

“I know,” Ranboo said, sipping from his mug, “Was just scary in the moment, is all.”

“No hard feelings?” Wilbur asked, hopefully.  
“Nope,” sip.

“No lawsuits from your parents?” Phil interjected.

“...” sip, “Nope.”

Phil sighed in relief. Techno patted Ranboo on the head in solidarity. Wilbur turned his attention back to his mug. 

Tommy looked around at the scene in the living room. Bad and Skeppy sat together on opposite arms of an old armchair, Bad telling Skeppy the events of their day while they sipped their hot chocolate. Skeppy looked around in shock during the retelling of the events. Sapnap and Dream curled up together on the couch, sipping their hot chocolate. Phil reprimanded Wilbur again for the fortieth time while Techno observed quietly with Ranboo. Tubbo was sitting next to Tommy by the fireplace on the floor, holding his hot chocolate. Tommy put his hand on Tubbo’s shoulder. Tubbo leaned in to rest his head on Tommy. Tommy leaned on Tubbo.

“You good, Big T?” Tommy asked.

“Yeah,” Tubbo sighed, “That was just intense, man,”

“You proved to be the bigger man out there,” Tommy admitted. Tubbo smiled.

“Really?” Tubbo asked.

“Maybe,” Tommy coughed.

“I still think you’re pretty big…” Tubbo revealed.

“Oh yeah?” Tommy replied, chuckling.

“Yeah,” Tubbo smiled, “the biggest.”

THE END

Meanwhile….

George woke from his slumber with a jolt. He sat up in his bed, sweating. He looked around his room. Everything seemed to be normal. He looked outside. Oh! Snow! How lovely! He pulled out his phone and scrolled through his contacts. Big Q, Karl, Dream… Sapnap. He dialed the number and held it to his ear, hearing the satisfying click of an answer.

“Hey Sapnap!” George yawned, “how are you?”

“GEORGE!” Sapnap’s loud voice startled George, who almost dropped the phone, “WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN IVE TRIED CALLING YOU FOR AGES??”

“You have?” George checked his phone. 10 missed calls from Sapnap. Oh. “I’m sorry. I was sleeping.”

Silence.

“OF COURSE YOU WERE!” Sapnap exclaimed, causing George to have to hold the phone away from his ear. “DREAM HE WAS SLEEPING THE WHOLE DAMN TIME!” George heard Dream wheeze with laughter while a faint “!” could be made out from under Dream’s laughter.

“What? Dream and Bad?” George was confused, “what did I miss?”

“Oh my god, George,” Sapnap sighed while Dream was cackling in the back, “I can’t believe you right now.”

“What?” George cried indignantly.

“STOP SLEEPING THROUGH LORE” Sapnap hollered into the phone and hung up. George sighed and looked down at his phone. Why did they always do things when he was sleeping?


End file.
